I miss you, Mom

***************November 17, 1924----------------------------- April 9, 1982***************

Please, my dear friends and family, be healthy. Have regular checkups. Be aware of the warning signs of heart disease. You will be leaving loved ones behind. Help them to know that you did all you could humanly do. Only my oldest got to spend time with Mom. My younger two were cheated...

G2

On August 22nd, I think I'll do this, too :). Very lovely memorial, my friend. ((((G2)))))

S2

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Yes, it is indeed.

I head to bed with thoughts of North Carolina dancing in my head. (Thanks, Linda. I sent the information that was sent to me on over to S2. Our fear is that we might not come back home.) I cannot begin to explain how much I miss the south.

Today was much more of the same from yesterday. The stiffness and soreness caused me to be a bit more inventive when it came to getting a good sized boulder out. I am glad it was close enough to the broken up one from yesterday that I was able to rock it up a bit at a time and put pieces of the broken one under it. It eventually was up enough that I could roll it out of the crater. The hardest thing was getting Henry away. I think he sensed I was on a mission and likely to do something stupid. I got away with a few hefty bruises and two crunched knuckles. The weather is changing, so I think tomorrow I will gather all the rock piles and call it done. There will always be another year.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Mom's death. She died on Good Friday, April 9, 1982. It is hard to believe it has been 27 years! The first person to appear to help me cope? S2. She had gone through the loss of her Mom, and it does put us in a special club. I detest the membership requirements.

Life does go on, but it doesn't get easier. There are just more things to keep me busy. (Like tighten up the fence wire; gee how does it get so loose? I will just ask Miss Itchy Bum...)


And so I can keep myself on task I will occasionally throw in some pictures from last year's 3 Day walk. This was right before the walk began. The opening ceremony got me crying big time. I am so proud of my daughter. This year she will be 8 months pregnant and walking with her gimpy Mom. We will make a good team, and will likely be on the short bus a time or two.

Who would have ever thought I would wear pink?.....

G2

The somewhat amusing and somewhat productive day

It has been an interesting day, to say the least. It started out good enough. I decided to do more work in the field since I'd like to get it seeded as the rains come back. I have a neighbor in a little rental cabin to the south of me. A rental cabin that S2 fantasizes about buying, which would be quite nice. Anyway...this neighbor is a log truck driver and a cancer survivor. Had he not told me his vocation I likely would have guessed just from the stereotypical truck driver way of speaking. He is also a pretty darned depressed individual. After telling how badly the world has messed with him, how he lost his truck, hasn't been able to pay rent, it's all Obama's fault, he failed a drug test and now will likely lose his CDL, thus his vocation, and on, and on...Then he says: "so if you hear a gunshot, come check on me." Uhhhhh. I think I have talked with this guy maybe three times. I don't know much about him personally, so haven't a clue if he is serious, or if he even has a gun. Darn. What to do. Meanwhile I have unburied a boulder that is bigger than I think I can tackle. I don't want to stop and give this guy my undivided attention (was that wrong?) so I kept chipping away and got the darn thing out in pieces. I am mentally willing one of the neighbor's on the other side to open her window, or come check on ME! (Nothing, I must have lost my touch.) An hour or so (probably more like two, but I really don't know) goes by, the sun is now shining directly on me and I am as wet as if I had taken a shower, but was impressed that I was actually able to chip the darn boulder out of its resting place. I am feeling seriously parched and hungry, but not willing to move out of the pasture. Nice enough guy, but something about him keeps me on my guard. FINALLY he leaves and I wait about five minutes and gather the dogs and head into the house. Had I been talking to a kid and they were talking of suicide I would have begun to research options. Instead I head over to my other neighbors. The man had just got home so I was able to talk to him about it. After the few obligatory guy comments he assured me that he would go over should I hear anything suspicious. He also cautioned me NOT to go by myself (well, duh). I love these neighbors. I can always count on them, and it is nice.

So I take a break and drink two bottles of water and head back outside. I feel like I have done nothing as the two things I needed to get done (the straw bales and the grape arbor) were not even started.

I placed the straw bales beside the driveway. This will be part of my veggie garden.



I then went to work on the arbor. I got the posts placed and the wire set, but haven't tied it down yet. I used a couple pieces of baling twine for now, and will get it wired correctly tomorrow.
(Ignore the mess. Henry's agility stuff and the hoses are just thrown in the corner and I didn't edit the pictures at all. Sorry.) Any way, you get the general idea. Tomorrow I will place the grape plants.
I then found another Windy sized rock; this one is staying...unless the neighbor to the south comes back to chat again. I haven't found the edges on this one. I think it is an iceberg rock. When I started there was about 12 by 6 inches showing.
These are some of the remnants of the rock that I chipped out of the ground. Now look, over to the left toward the middle/bottom of the picture.
See that green/yellow tennis ball tucked part way in a hole? If you want to feel really old, you can say to someone: "Do you remember when tennis balls were white?" Go ahead, I dare you!!

A physically, mentally, and emotionally tired,
G2

Tennis balls were WHITE?
S2
REAL funny! They were white, and we took a felt pen and wrote our initials on them and took them to school for baseball during recess. Where were you?
G2
Tennis just wasn't a happening thing when I was in school. I know it sounds weird, but I never had a tennis ball when I was a kid. I didn't run into tennis until I was in high school, and I have no idea what color the balls were, can you believe?
S2

I finally have some peace and quiet (my four charges are all abed and the late night blood sugar has been done) and something just clicked. Big burly truck driver that just stood there and watched you bash at that rock? He's seriously out of touch with reality if that's the case. Call a suicide hotline and get some advice, is my advice. Here is a place to start.
S2

Chehalis River

I wrote a lovely blog about my trip to the river last Saturday, and while I was putting in the pictures, the whole thing froze. I'm not trusting it today, so in short: The floods in December 2007 and again in 2008 have changed the way of the river. We went to find carnelians in the gravel shoals, but what we found was 10 feet of silt, everywhere. Ruined fields, standing water. I'm abandoning the pretense of formatting this, I'm just laying in the pictures now and posting. G2, if you get a chance you can mess with it, or I will later on tonight.
S2

Beautiful pictures! Amazing the beauty that comes through from the carnage. (If they can till that silt in, and have a couple of drier winters, it will likely give them some incredible pasture and/or hay. Same thing happened with the volcanic ash. It yielded the nicest veggies my sister has ever grown.)
G2

Straw Bale Gardening and grape arbors

I am off to the feed store for a couple of things. First, I need three bales of straw for my veggie garden. This year I am planting in REALLY raised beds. I may decide to do more than three, just because I think it look really nice, but for sure I need three as I am actually going to use them to mulch my existing beds this fall, and to give those beds a rest this year. For a week I will sprinkle ammonium nitrate onto the bales and water it in. The bales have to be kept damp, which is certainly no problem in the Seattle area this time of year. Then I can plunk my veggie starts into the bales. I can plant seeds as well, but usually just get starts and do it that way.



Then I am buying a cattle panel. These are usually around 16' long and 3 or 4 foot wide.

If I attach it to two T-posts on each short side, and pound one side into the ground, then slowly walk the other side until it is about three feet away from the first and pound those posts in, I will have an arch shape that will be my grape arbor. It will be right outside of the pool sliding door, so won't interfere with getting back to the barn in the truck. I have three grape plants that need to get into the ground. I think the Spring bug has hit; I feel the need to get food growing.

I am now off to enjoy the nice weather while it is here.

G2

An interesting thing

As I begin to write it is just a few minutes before noon on Sunday. I have been up for seven hours already. I have done my chores, taking the dogs out to play, twice, started laundry, worked out, vacuumed and just did all the computer stuff. After I finish this I will turn off the computer and walk away until tomorrow. I am beginning to think that I am a morning person. If I try to stay in bed longer I get MUCH less done during the day and rather enjoy being sedentary. It could be that the daylight comes earlier and stays later now. I am not sure. It is a bit odd to have everything done by 10am. Not that I cannot find plenty more, mind you, but it all feels pretty darn good. I noticed the change a few days ago. As much as I wanted to lay in bed, I just could not do it. I was pretty grouchy until I got up and dressed, but the more I did, the better I felt. Along with this up by 5am stuff comes the to bed at around 9pm. I am so glad that I have the DVR thing because there are some TV shows that I enjoy watching, and most come on after I fall asleep. It seems to be that the more I do, the more I want to do. I remember having this feeling in high school. I used to get up at 5:30 and head out for a morning run. I LOVED to run, and especially loved the cool brisk air being drawn into my lungs. It was so invigorating. Perhaps it is the fact that my house is around 59 degrees when I get up and I have to get active to stay warm! I really haven't a clue, but know that I had to climb over the obstacle of "sedentaryism" (like that one?) to get to this point. It is so much easier to just vegetate in front of the computer screen. However, once over those few days of dragging myself away, I am finding that I have to force myself to sit here. I read once that in the canine world you can imprint a habit in four days. After the four days of a certain routine, that is what they expect. I saw it in Kate, when I brought her home. I am thinking perhaps as people we over think things and perhaps don't really just let the natural routine emerge. I would say it was about four days of fighting myself before this new routine became the comfortable norm. Maybe a bit longer, but not much. (Oh, and yes, I am sure that there are some folks that have seen me as a, ahem, female dog, at times ;-) ).

With that, I am out of here. It is a beautiful day and it is time to go walk on the beach.

G2

blog list malfunction

Hey G2, and anyone else who has a blog on blogspot: have you tried to add a blog to your blog list lately? I have another blog on which I wanted to add this feature, but alas, I was unable to do it. So, I tried adding this blog to our already existing blog list here, and it all seemed to be working, until I hit SAVE. Nope, nada.

Could others give it a try? Is this a currently broken feature (why to I always type 'feather' when I type this word?)

Just wondering.

Frustratingly yours,

S2

It took me forever to even figure out how to add one, which is all I have done. I figured that was your baby, but will give it a try and see what happens. ***update***worked fine; no problems

G2

Wish granted

As if my son could hear my wishes and needs, he called and offered his youngest child for some one on one Grandma time.

She turned three in February and has a big sister, so sometimes it is fun to be the "only" kid at Grandma's. The weather couldn't have been better. When I got her at the ferry she was wearing some adorable knit gloves. "I have gloves on so I can touch the horse's tail," says she. Hmmmm.

We get home, having had a snack on the boat, and head directly to the pasture, she leading one dog, and me the other. Before we get to the gate she says "Is it OK if I touch the horse's tail withOUT my gloves?" I haven't a clue what the gloves were all about, but she was assured that she could touch the horse's tail however she wanted.

After thoroughly touching little Windy it was decided that she was in need a brushing. (You need to know that Windy has hair that is a couple of inches long due to the cold winter, and it is all beginning to fall out. We are expecting nights to be in the 20s or I would have shaved her already.)

Once the horse was nicely brushed it was decided that Windy really really wanted the child on her back, so we graciously accommodated her.

I didn't put the saddle or the pad on, but just plopped the child on top. She is such a natural...she held on with her little knees, without me even telling her, and grabbed a hunk of mane as a "handle."

I suddenly realize how big she has gotten. I also see how much she really does look like her Dad did at the same age. I will have to find some old pictures.

It was a great day, but I am exhausted. She is at the age of mimicry. EVERY thing I said, she repeated. I don't think there was quiet until she fell asleep.

I had forgotten the odd things that go on in the three year old mind. After a nice rest I might remember specifics.

For now, I call it a night.

G2

The past revisited

As you know my fourth grandchild will be along in the fall. The mama is seeing the same midwife that delivered her first, five and a half years ago.

I taught childbirth classes, as did S2, many years ago. I had all of my children outside of the hospital, attended by a licensed midwife. All were very easy unmedicated births. As a teacher (this was before there were support people with the label "Douala") I was invited to many of my students deliveries; some at home and some in the hospitals. I did not cater exclusively to home births.

I have been blessed to be at the births of all of my grandchildren. At this moment I am reliving the trauma of the birth of my first grandchild. She is apparently well remembered by the midwife, and likely by any staff that are still working at the hospital. The labor was pretty standard, but my daughter had some blood pressure issues so an IV was started and pain meds given as she was not allowed to be up and walking. yada,yada,yada. Any way, when the baby was born she did not breathe. She was not blue, but she didn't even try to breathe. I was sent over to the isolette so that I could assure the mama that all was well. All was NOT well. This baby would not breathe. In the whirlwind of events that began to occur I somehow stepped off the crazy roller coaster and everything began to go in slow motion. The two minute check time came, but this baby was still not breathing, and was still not blue. The cord was cut immediately when the midwife realized the kid wasn't doing well, so she was getting no oxygen. Five minutes went by, and she still was too quiet. The code cart was outside the door and equipment was being passed thru the curtain. I quietly began to plan the funeral for my first grand baby. After 7 full minutes she finally took her first breath. So...apparently this delivery ended up going before the Board of Review. The midwife kept telling the nurses to call a code and they didn't do it; the baby wasn't blue. I remember the midwife asking for the code to be called and I remember resuscitation equipment being passed thru the curtain and I made an assumption it was called. A part of me is glad that it happened the way it did, as I am sure that many more people would have been called into the room and I would have been forced out of my front row "seat" and certainly could not have hidden my pain and worry from my daughter. Being it was the first baby, I don't think they really understood the gravity of the situation. I did. Once she took that breath, all was good. She was not taken away, which she likely would have, had the code been officially called. Because time stood still for me I really did not understand how much time had really elapsed until the next morning when a very stressed midwife came to check up on the mom and baby. I remember asking how it was possible that a baby could go for seven full minutes and she could not answer. She still cannot.

Luckily there are no problems that can be detected so far.

This time is different. My daughter is much healthier and in great physical shape. She has promised me that they will be taking classes this time, so the dad will have a better idea of what is going on and I won't have to argue about whether his wife is in labor (which is a long story that is best left buried). It is difficult to try to be Dad's coach, Mom's coach, mother of the Mom-to-be, and soon-to-be grandma.

I think it will be a good thing to replace those scary memories. I had successfully buried the memories, since the baby is doing just fine. I must admit that I again have the little catch in my throat. I think that was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. How do I let that go? How can I permanently erase those memories? I really cannot find any good that has come of that whole experience. Truly. I have been on the code team at the hospital where I worked. I've been on codes that went well, and codes that didn't go well. I have very few memories that haunt me now. I learned to let them go. Perhaps I should have spent more time with the medical staff back then so that I could work through this.

I think I need to spend some time with the grand kids. I need to hold them. I need to just feel their "life." I also am glad for the choices that my children have made for the deliveries of my grandchildren. I never really thought I could love anyone as strongly as I have loved my babies. I was wrong.

G2

Conditioning

Oh my; where to start. I guess I will begin with the physical stuff with me. September looms in the not so distant future to me. Part of that may be that it is so cold outside that it feels like fall or maybe even winter. We have had snow mixed with rain on and off today. So; yesterday I spent the money and bought a bike trainer. That is a stand with a roller that the back wheel of my bike sits on. It basically lets my mountain bike be a stationery bike. I get the benefits of riding my spiffy bike and not having to deal with mud streaks up my back. I spent the extra bucks for one that has fluid resistance and is quiet. I bike and watch TV, or listen to music, or read a book, etc, etc. Walking is not going well at this point. That is what worries me. I just cannot deal with the cold weather. You see, the cold causes my "residual limb" to shrink. Walking causes friction in the socket. So, I put a padded sock in to fill the space. As I walk I increase the heat via circulation and possibly a bit of friction. Then I need to take the sock off, and as I cool down put it back on. No big deal and I am sure I will be doing a lot of this on the big walk. However, I cannot easily do it with long pants on. Plain and simple. If I wear shorts, then I am colder, and the stump even smaller. Perhaps I should just sacrifice a pair of sweats and cut the leg off. If we don't get a weather change by the beginning of next week I will be doing that. Perhaps the odd dress will draw even more attention...and may help with fund raising!!! (I told you I try to see the good in the negative.) So, I think I am still on track, just not as far ahead as I would have hoped at this point. I also spend a minimum of three hours a day, rain or shine, out in the field; raking, scooping the poo, playing with the dogs, and digging up rocks and boulders. No more resting during the day. I am almost always asleep by 10pm. As soon as I get the bike computer wired up I will be able to see how many miles I am "going." For now I am on the bike whenever I feel tired and the urge to surf the internet strikes. It feels great.

Kate. She seems to have gone through a growth spurt. That, or my work on conditioning her is beginning to pay off. During those three or four times a day that I take her out she runs and jumps nonstop. She has found a way to pant with her tongue hanging to her knees and still hold onto a tennis ball, or jump and snap her volleyball without biting her tongue. When we are outside she is never tired. As soon as we come in she collapses and sleeps. The dogs will be my walking companions once the weather clears. Henry tires long before Kate, so it may be one on one time, with him doing the shorter walks and Kate the longer. We try to get down to the beach every day, rain or shine, at low tide. I remember when walking that short distance used to have me worn out. It makes me sad to think I was that out of shape. Anyway, my girl seems to be growing into her bum a bit, or maybe the stronger musculature has her appear to be more level. I will leave that to the judges to determine at our next show, the first weekend of May.

I have a friend coming up from Oregon to participate in a Rat Show on Mercer Island this weekend. I will wait while you all re-read that. I will go see her and maybe take some pictures. I must admit that I haven't a clue what the show involves. I am not overly fond of the critters, but to each his/her own. I know that many folks don't understand my dog show thing either. I'm hoping that I will get to see an obstacle course or something. It could be quite entertaining. I guess it is a huge show and I may be hiking between the places to park and the hall where the show is held. I'm certainly game for that. I rarely use the blue card anymore; something that tends to disappoint a few friends that offer to take me shopping or to Costco. Hmmmmm, maybe that is why my phone has been strangely silent for the past couple of weeks...you think?!

So. This year April showers may be bringing June or July flowers. Maybe Mother Nature is playing a cruel joke on this day of pranks. Maybe she is just trying to condition us for something bigger...

Computer time is up for the day. Back to the bike.

G2