Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Easter blues

It has been a while, but I have them this year. Perhaps it is the wonderful CD of Dad's slides that Shirley and David made. Perhaps it is just one of those years that the sadness just strikes. Good Friday, 28 years ago. Mom was gone. Here one minute, and gone the next. My then four year old was with her at the time. I remember it like it was yesterday. The bad thing about this happening around Easter, or Thanksgiving, is that I have two days that are bad. In this case, Good Friday and April 9th. Half of my life ago. I wish I could share all the good that I have in my life with her. She would be so happy for me. I wish I could have her ringside at just one show. At the finish line for just one race. At my side for one more cry. I'm not sure that she truly knew that she was my best friend the few years before she died. How much my son adored her. My biggest sadness was the knowledge that the kids would not remember her...and they don't. Daughter was only fourteen months, and son just two weeks past his fourth birthday. Sometimes I wish that she had been a bad Mom. It would be easier to get past these dates. She was a good Mom. Her life revolved around children. She adored all kids. We had so many plans following her retirement in the December before.

Now she is with Dad again. What a reunion that must have been. I sometimes wonder if he is better about remembering her birthday and their anniversary. I try hard to honor their legacy by living the best life I can. It is what we all want from, and for, our children. Oh how I would love to honor her by naming a someday champion pup after her...if only her name wasn't Thelma! So I go on and honor her memory the best way I can. It doesn't make the sadness go, nor does it help me enjoy Easter.

Perhaps I will hide eggs for the doggies on Friday.


Mom, I love you, and I miss you. Meet "Plum" your great grand daughter.


Colette Kingsley said...

Everything you said is so true! The grief is still there and you wish that things could be different. Thank you so much for putting your feelings into words that touched my heart : )

Lori Thornbrue said...

I know how you feel. I was sitting in church the other day and was just over come with loneliness for my dad. It's been 41 YEARS, and yet it was as fresh as yesterday. I sat there sobbing. I couldn't help it. Yet, underneath it all.....I know he is near. Heaven and earth are closely intertwined.
Your pictures and grand children are so GRAND. I love the drawn picture of the dog on the water. Sweet.

Lori Thornbrue said...

......and the picture of 'plum' with the tambourine on her head. Too cute.

Steelcyclist said...

I remember the day Grandma passed away. But also remember Snicker's bars at the mall.

More stuff on Plum's head? I thought you would be out of pics by now!