Wednesday, June 16, 2010

This and that yet again

First of all, it is Yardican Hurricanehunter that is Kate's sire, just for the record. Yep, I call him "Hunter" but there are numerous Hunters out there, so thought I would set the record straight. (Thanks to Castell Pembroke Welsh Corgis for the picture.)

Then, her mama is Castell Finnish Affair. I did the big bad and spelled it wrong in the archives. Amazing what fixing that did. Suddenly she has info that I did not submit. Cool!

That said, all is quiet on the doggie front. Bliss.

I had a melt down yesterday. Pre-race jitters I guess. I look at my wetsuit. My racing jersey. My number belt. My helmet. My funny little tri-shorts. My fancy running leg. All make me smile. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and my world comes crashing down. The whole REAL picture does not fit the fantasy in my head. It's depresssing. I'm scared. I wonder why the heck I am doing this. After the lake swim I literally fell apart in the parking lot. Lisa Bee picked me up. I guess that is why she does what she does. She is quite good at it. I just want my old body back. I can't have it. Nothing is spontaneous any more. Nothing is easy. Yet if it is so hard, then why am I not stick thin from the exertion involved in just doing normal day to day "stuff?" sigh. I won't go back and wallow, as that is not the point of this. The point is that I am me. Just that. No big "inspiration." No one to try to emulate. Just little, sigh, OK big, old me. I can't carry the extra stress that trying to live up to everyone else's expectations puts upon my shoulders. I have plenty of my own stuff to carry. Sometimes I need a hand carrying my own stuff, but will never ask. I am my father's daughter. I realized last night that I don't want this to be the day after the race. I just want it to be the day of the race. I don't want to miss out on that rush of crossing the finish line. I just want to be done with the pre-race jitters. I want proof that I can, indeed, turn those jitters into the energy that will carry me through the race. 72 more hours and I will find out. Thanks, Lisa, for being there for me, and all the other ladies that count on you.

With that I must go and do some work. Once again the pool is green as it has been on the back burner too long and the weather has been too nice. I think I need a pool boy...

Song of the day?

"Fly Like an Eagle" Steve Miller

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
Till I'm free...



Kim said...

pool boy that makes raspberry mojito's and gives post race massages...

oh wait that's my fantasy!

Colette Kingsley said...

I have had you in my thoughts and prayers this week. May you make it through the jitters and enjoy the whole thing : )

Léo said...

All I can say is wow, Nancy. You're crazy if you can't see how inspiring this is. Not because you pretend everything is flowers and sunshine but because you are honest about the whole thing having weeds and rain to deal with. *That* is courage. Truly. Thank you for sharing so openly.

You'll be in my thoughts this weekend. Let us know what happens.

Kim: My pool boy makes the best tapas.