Broken

Me. Yep. Mentally, emotionally, physically. The three day walk is a few days away and I don't get to go. Thank goodness we passed on it for this year as I have had nothing but issues with this prosthesis. The suspension sleeves last maybe a couple of weeks. Thankfully they just keep replacing them on warranty, but I cannot imagine what sixty miles would do to one. This is but one of the bugs that I have only a year to work out. It is so frustrating. I am still training and have now gotten to where I truly cannot stop. I crave those endorphins. I read of friends doing triathlons and think that I may have to check out the possibility. The issue would be transitioning. Trying to get out of the water "gracefully;" aw what the heck, since when have I ever done anything gracefully? I just need to find a way not to get sand and mud in my pants as I slide to the beach. That could make the cycling leg of the race a bit, well, chafing! (So Nom, help me with ideas on this one!)

Yesterday early evening was a ballet recital for one of my little princesses. There is nothing cuter than a bunch of five year olds in tutus. Truly. The day did not start real well. My "residual limb" has been incredibly more sore. The walk to the ferry was pretty excruciating. Nothing I did could make the burn quiet down. I take great pride in not being a lame gimp. Being a gimp is a badge of honor, but years on crutches and in a wheelchair has made me hate to be crippled by my gimp-ness. (Besides, the cracked rib still makes using crutches impossible even if I wanted to; and the thought did cross my mind a time or two). As the evening wore on I found myself being worn out by the pain and burning. Thank goodness for the grand kids! The "warm fuzzies" I get from them far out weigh the pain.

The little sister watched intently, but really wanted to be out there.

To make it a little easier I gave her my camera and let her take pictures.

A proud papa with his ballerina princess

Anyway, I limped my way from the ferry to my truck and headed home to feed and water the horse and dogs, turn off the pool pump, close camper and trailer doors, etc, etc. Then I stumble to my room to remove the leg for the night. I had been looking forward to that moment for most of the day. As I lay there trying to pin point the exact location of my pain I feel something odd. I have a free floating piece of bone about the size of my pointer finger to the first joint. I can actually move the thing around. When my surgery was done, all those years ago, there was a piece of bone that was put in as a bridge between the two bones of the lower leg. Sometimes that is not done, in my case it was. Somewhere around a year later I took a rather hard twisting fall and snapped that bridge. The Xray showed it was still where it needed to be, so hope was that it would heal in place. I think the free floating bone I was feeling last night may be that bridge. What I think was happening is that it was moving around in my stump and getting in a position where I was rubbing bone on bone. A prosthesis is fit to the stump in a very exacting way. Any changes drastically change the fit. The leg is designed to have the weight bearing areas be the patellar tendon and the joint just below, and to the sides of, the knee (the head of the tibia). The cut off end at the base can not bear weight. That surface is not made to do that. OWW! However, the leg does make contact with the end; in a nutshell there needs to be contact to keep the fluids flowing and nerves quiet. Weight bearing can actually cause the bone to protrude through the skin. Another even bigger OWWW! So, that chip was wedging between the end of my tibia and the artificial leg, thereby causing me to bear weight on both. Moving it around last night, while quite painful, seems to have pushed it back where it is no longer a problem, for the moment. I woke up this morning, put on the leg, and it was like yesterday didn't exist. In fact I plan to mow, with the walk behind, as soon as the rain dries a bit. I will make some calls on Monday and get in to be seen. I now wonder if all the murmurs about this leg are misdirected. It may be my anatomy! Such is the life of a gimp. There always seems to be something. This, however, was an interesting and shocking something! (Not to mention quite painful.) Strangely the broken stump makes the broken down emotions get quiet. Hey, whatever works.

Thank goodness for ballerinas. Physical pain comes and goes. The love of a princess or three easily over rides it. I am also thankful that there are things I really HAVE to do. It keeps me going. I would hate it if I had to call someone to do the simplest of things. That is definitely not my style...

G2