Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It's cold

Bone chilling cold. At 9am my new indoor/outdoor thermometer told me it was 38 degrees outside and 60 degrees inside. The little heaters are plugged in inside the trailer and the camper. There is 18" of snow predicted to fall on the Pass in the next few days.

But it is beautiful! While I was away the trees all quickly went through their color changing phase. They just look dead now. The brownish yellow leaves are quickly falling and I will soon be able to see Puget Sound from my living room. Until I moved into the woods Fall was a bit depressing. Living here I have found I enjoy getting a front row seat to watch the "cycle of life." I have plenty of Evergreen trees, and perhaps that is why it is more enjoyable than depressing. I'm not sure, but I don't find a need to sit and examine the feelings. I just like to live them.

Last week I found an obituary for my childhood best friend's mother. We grew up together and spent summers on their sailboat. We were room mates in college. My son adopted her Mom as a Grandma when my mother unexpectedly died. Mrs. Orr passed away in May. It makes me sad that I didn't get to her funeral. I don't like funerals, but am finding myself wanting to go and support the family members just as they have done for me. The last time I saw Mrs. Orr was at my Dad's service. I contacted her daughter immediately to let her know how sorry I was that I didn't know in time. We will get together next week, I hope. It is sad that grief is what reunites old friends. Perhaps, however, that is part of the cycle of life as well. I am sure that her Mom is smiling...I just wish that we could get together one last time for tuna sandwiches down on the beach. No one could make a tuna sandwich like Mrs. Orr. Even as an adult there are certain people that retain their "titles." It is a respect thing. The Orrs are in that category. I could no more refer to them by first names, than I could refer to my own parents by their first names. Mr. Orr was one of those men that scared me as a kid. He was pure business, I thought. Then he lost his elder daughter. She died a slow debilitating death from diabetes complications. He took her to appointments. I barely remember it, but I do remember watching how gentle and caring he was. Then I lost my leg. He came. I cried. I cry now. So deserving of respect, this man. I am sad that he is suddenly alone. I remember when he quit smoking. Lifesavers became his true life saver. I also remember how much he adored his first grandchild by his second friend. He would work down in his shop and create toys for her. That tough image forever shattered. The cycle of life.

As I watch the seasons come and go, and life slowly continuing to evolve for me I look forward, more than back. I know not what it holds for me. I do know what is important to me, and those things become clearer with age. It is important to re-touch bases with those important in our lives. It is important that I live each day to its fullest and that I truly experience life. I have healed from my past. I have my future to live with a greater knowledge of what can be. Those, like the Orrs, who have helped guide me and direct me are with me forever. I like that.

My new grand daughter comes following the grief of the loss I feel. It's funny how that happens, eh? I suspect I was not supposed to know back in May, but only wish I could have been there for the family.

Godspeed, Mrs. Orr. Thanks for all you have given me.
02/21/21 to 05/07/09


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