Monday, December 29, 2008

Clearing and Candles

I feel as though I'm stretching my fingers toward some hidden light source. From somewhere deep inside me, I hear a battle cry. Break through. I need to break through. Lying in my cradle of inertia just isn't going to do it anymore. It's been safe. It's been comforting in some ways. But it needs to be over.`I know. Sooooo dramatic!

So here is an interesting question. Is dumping emotional baggage just like taking a mental (insert your favorite elimination word here)? I wonder if I can link mental baggage dropping with physical elimination. Every time I visit the toilette, I'll be thinking, well I'm done with that, I've used that up, and when I'm done I'll get up and do something positive. A moment which will visit several times a day, remind me that it's time to move on each time it does. You need repetition when you are trying to bring about major change and growth.

What about the birthday candle story on the Bonnie Hunt Show today? We used to do that too! A viewer had written in about a childhood memory, which was that when one of the kids had a birthday, the candles would be lit on the cake and then blown out really fast. After they were blown out, Mom would remove the candles, wash them off and keep them for the next birthday.You felt really really special if you were the one that got a new candle or two used on your birthday. It also helped if you were the oldest :) I guess the reality is, we didn't have much money. I always thought it was because my Mom got raised in the depression (and was half Scottish in addition to that), and you didn't waste ANYTHING.

When I had my own kids I felt positively rebellious because I bought new candles every for every birthday. When I actually remembered to buy the candles, that is. Later on, the ages became such large numbers that I bought candles with a year on them. Those, I did save but I have to say, this is a mistake. The next time I would get them out, they had dings in them from falling to the bottom of the drawer where all manner of things gouged out little nicks. Any dust in the drawer? It was stuck to that candle. So what happened here (in the name of thrift), was that every year I got out the saved candles, said yuck and ran down to the mini mart (where everything is overpriced) and bought new ones. Of course, I saved the candle.

In fact, I bet if I checked, I'd have a number candle or two in there right now. (And, I would be wrong. Apparently, I have broken my habit :) However, I did discover this lovely arrangement. What one loose candle is doing in the bottom of this drawer is a mystery, although if you look closely you will see that it is gathering up dusty stuff quite nicely. It's hanging out with a few other interesting items. We can see that I didn't get around to any sort of cookie that needs rolling out and cutting this year. That's an aging eggbeater on the left, which once belonged to my maternal grandfather. I believe that the handle was once painted red, I sort of remember that. On the right, we have the meat tenderizer mallet thing, that my brother Peter made in metal shop. Mom used it for years, and I keep it for old time's sake. The making of any dish that requires pounding on the meat (stop that you bad people, and you know who you are) just doesn't happen around here. Underneath all is, strangely enough, a putty knife. No comment on that one, since I haven't a clue.

And about that first photo. I had cleverly hidden these socks from myself, and uncovered them in a reorganization binge earlier today. I don't talk about it much, but yes. I am a survivor. These socks were a gift from G2's daughter, Kira. Kira walked in the 3-day walk for breast cancer research this year. 60 miles she walked, partly in my honor, and partly in honor of another. I'm honored, Kira. Thank you, in so many ways.


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