Thursday, January 15, 2009

Childhood memories


I went to the grocery store a couple of days ago. In the meat section there is the bin of "reduced for quick sale" meats. I always check in there, if only to see if my body is craving red meat. Low and behold! A plastic container of beef liver! Normally I have to get it frozen, and I never think to take it out of the freezer to thaw. $1 off means a pound of liver for less than a buck. Score!!

Now, lest you think I am a liver fan, I need to tell you that liver is used as "bait" for show dogs. With Kate's first show less than a month away I need to make liver brownies. It is quite simple to make them; puree liver in blender, add wheat germ, corn meal, and flour, with some garlic. Spread the mucous-like slop on a greased cookie sheet and bake. It takes about as much time to prepare as it takes for the oven to preheat. Now the drawbacks:

First there is the fact that the dogs won't stay out of the kitchen once it starts to bake. I have ceramic tiles in there, and it is amazing how slick dog drool makes the floor!

Then the obvious. The smell, which is of course what causes drawback numero uno. No amount of febreeze, scented candles, air freshener, or perfume can get this stench out of my house. It reminds me of my childhood. My mother LOVED liver and onions. (I wonder if she ever tried liver and garlic.) Retch. As a child I would come home from school and know immediately that Dad was working late. As I got older I would call friends up looking for a place to go for dinner. Yes, I know S2, you like liver and onions too; want me to save you some liver brownies?? (Non dairy, I could take the ferry.) It is not my favorite memory of Mom, that is for sure. In fact, it isn't even one that makes me smile happily and further reminisce.

I know that there is no escape. If I leave, no matter how long I am gone that smell will be here waiting for me. Why do I torture myself, you ask? There is NOTHING that perks up a dog like liver brownies. I once took some to obedience class. Big mistake. Even the instructor's dog got out of her chair to come greet me. I was easily the most popular human in class that night. I am obviously getting a bad case of nerves. I will break this batch into small pieces and put it in the freezer. If I don't there will be none left and the process will begin anew. Next time y'all watch a dog show take notice of the humanoids on the other end of the leash. See how they keep taking something in and out of their mouth? That, my fellow persons, is more likely than not to be liver brownies. The only way to combat one's dog posing for the next handler over is to at least equal what they are using as bait. Yes, indeed, I will likely have to have this stuff even closer to my nose on the 14th of February. sigh


GAH!!!! Yourself! In...your...mouth???? Yes, I have seen them do this, and although I knew 'whatever it was' had to be, at the least, non tasty, I had no idea of the reality. Do they keep it in their mouths so the other dogs (and theirs) won't smell it until the opportune moment?

I have a suggestion for the cooking process. Invest in a toaster oven and baking trays for same. Plug them in out on the patio and cook the stuff out there. Make sure all exits are securely closed or you'll lure coyotes, ha ha. Other idea: Plug in and cook out in garage, same toaster oven. Although, now that I think of it, we don't want your motorcycle stinking like liver, now do we?


1 comment:

Grandma said...

I was watching those dancing dogs and their master kept feeding them treats. I wonder if it was Liver Brownies. Gag brownies would be a more suitable name.